עזים בקדושה – לוקחים אחריות!
מכתב ששלח לנו אחד הגולשים,ראינו לנכון לפרסם אותו כאן. מדהים.
הרהור שאחרי ההרהור – זה הכסף הגדול של יצר הרע, אפילו יותר מהעבירה עצמה. כשהוא הכניס לך לראש שאתה "אפס" – הוא השיג הכל. הוא שאב אותך אליו, הוא שבה אותך באזיקי השקר שלו.
איכס, אתה מגעיל.
מה אתה יושב מול הגמרא? ראינו אותך איפה שוטטת
אתמול בלילה במחשב. אתה בחור ישיבה אתה…?! פווי, איזה ריח מסריח. על מי אתה עובד?! צביעות. אתה פשוט צבוע אחד גדול.
בואו נכיר מושג, שהולך לפוצץ לנו כמה דמיונות בחיים:
ההרהור שאחרי ההרהור!
איך זה הולך? אתה מהרהר או עושה עבירה, ואז
מגיע ההרהור השני – היותר הרסני ויותר פוגע בנפש –
שמספר לך: באמא ש'ך, או שאתה דתי או שאתה לא?
מזה המשחקים האלה?! מזה פה משרד הדתות שאתה
כל שנייה מחליף דת? אם ה' הוא האלוקים – לך אחריו,
ואם 'הפייסבוק' הוא האלוקים – לך אחריו. אבל להיות
בן תורה ביום ורואה תמונות בלילה..?!
ואז אתה רוצה לעשות תשובה על העבירה,
אבל עאלק. אתה מרגיש מבפנים איך מישהו שם זועק –
כולנו יודעים מה תעשה מחר,
ואל תעבוד עלינו…
וזה מרסק. וזה כ"כ מרסק, את הנשמה,
שרוצה באמת לחזור בתשובה.
"אתה כ"כ טיפש", אמרתי לו.
יש חילוק פשוט,
יש צבוע, ויש משתדל. לכאורה אותו יצור,
אלא שהבדל שמיים וארץ מפריד בניהם.
צבוע – אתה הרי יודע מזה, הרי כל שני וחמישי אתה מדביק
לי ת'מושג הזה ל – ת.ז. להזכיר לי שאני אחד כזה,
אבל "משתדל", כנראה זה מושג חדש בשבילך.
משתדל = מן הסתם גם הוא יפול, כי זה קשה להשתדל,
אבל על באמת – הוא רוצה להשתדל..! הוא משתוקק להגיע..!
לבחור כזה לקרוא 'צבוע', זו פשוט צביעות שלך, מלך זקן וכסיל.
או אם נחדד לעצמינו מושג יסוד שיתן לנו המון בחיים:
צבוע זה אחד שלא שואף בכלל להגיע למטרה,
אבל מי מאיתנו לא באמת בתוך נשמתו שואף להיות צדיק,
לקיים את דבר ה' ולזכות רק לקדש שם שמיים, מי…?!
אלא מה? קשה. גם לי קשה, וגם לך קשה, ולכולנו קשה –
אז אנחנו נופלים – אבל 'נפילה' = נפילה = אני לא באמת שם,
נפלתי בגלל שלא הצלחתי הפעם להתגבר, אבל אני בתוך
תוכי, אני ממש לא שואף להיות שם – ממש לא..!
מעתה, אמור:
אני משתדל + נופל = עובד ה' אמיתי, וממש לא 'צבוע'.
א"כ, 'עובד ה" לא יכול לחזור בתשובה…?! מי אמר שבשביל
להקרא עובד ה' את צריכה להיות אחת בלי כשלונות…?!
ברור שלא מחבקים כשלון, אבל כולנו נופלים,
וזה קשה מאוד – אלא שבתוך תוכינו, אחרי כל הקליפות
של היצר שמראה לנו כאילו תאוותו היא רצונינו,
בפנים עמוק – כולנו רוצים באמת רק לעבוד את ה'…!
"אל תשמחי אויבתי לי, כי נפלתי – קמתי".
למה צריך להגיד את המילים "כי נפלתי" בפסוק?
היה מספיק להגיד – אל תשמחי כי אני אקום.
חשבתי, ע"פ דברינו, אולי זאת הכוונה:
אויבתי לי = יצר הרע – אל תשמח..!
'כי' = דווקא בגלל שאני מבין שזו רק 'נפלתי' ולא צביעות,
דווקא בגלל זה – 'קמתי'..!
לעודד אותם עידוד של אמת – מובטח לנו שאנחנו ננצח..!
בע"ה.
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